There I added something to be laughed at---even if it is myself.
But really. Teaching 4th grade thus far has been an enduring task. I am amazed at the hours I have put in, and the apparent lack of effort my students will put in (well about 5-6 of them anyways). Last week alone I stayed Monday night until about 6:30. Tuesday night was about 5. Wednesday night was 10:10 and I still felt buried. Thursday- about 5:30 and then again on Friday night. I arrive at the school usually no later than about 7:05am. I was extremely exhausted. Monday was the worst day of teaching for me. I left a kid out at recess because he was pouting and I had a kid at the front of the line trying to get everyone muddy that I was dealing with. Whoops. Okay so then the weekend comes: go in Saturday at 8am. State game at noon. Back to the school until about 8:30. Sunday morning back at it 10 am. I left at 11am thinking F this.
All this is not to say: "look at what I can do" I mention this because tonight I came home at 5pm. Yes I have papers to grade, yes I should refine some of these lessons- BUT I had the best day of my year today. I do not think I can put in another week like last, but in that week I pressed myself to get some things organized, "reflected upon" and planned some things that I had just overlooked thus far. Today I felt the payoff. I sense that this pattern may continue to occur with less hours of input- and more positive outcome. The time is well spent. We are a devoted lot. The frustrations are real, no doubt- and the tunnel is long. Don't let yourself think for one minute that the light at the end of it is the train.
Last point- I felt very prepared to teach. The program had its um...things but I was very confident in my ability- as should all of you. But wasn't it an odd and somewhat scary feeling to look out at those kids and realize that you are the responsible party. Responsible for so much. I seriously freaked out a bit. But since have decided to embrace it. It's part of why I won't let them settle for less.
Miss you all.
Wow. All those hours at school! Sounds like you are a first year teacher who is going well above and beyond, but to tell you the truth I wouldn't expect anything less. Your school is lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the rollercoaster of success/striving for improvement as a rookie: I know exactly where you are coming from. When it is good, it is sooo good. When it is bad, yikes.
Also, all those papers that you have to grade, I hope that you are using the post-assessment analysis from TE 804 (if applicable). I know I have used some varation of that spreadsheet for everything I have graded thus far this school year.
I wish. Everything at my school is very...well...system-wide. Meaning we have so many of their things to "use" there isn't time to go back to other things. Most of it is effective- but its almost like there is no 'leanback' on much of the MSU program components.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post Josh! You and jcwatson1010 can talk Charter schools if you want! :) Unfortunately I am glad to hear that you are stressed as well at times. Restates the fact that it is normal! Hope you have as great of a week as you had today!
ReplyDeleteJosh---to make us both feel better I had a little girl stranded outside today! Kindergartner! She went to the office, came back to my portable, but didn't come to the door, so she stood at the school door screaming and crying until another teacher found her.
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